Model Parenting, Why It Matters?

It is one thing to accurately lecture on how to ride a bicycle, and altogether a different thing to be capable of practically riding it. Likewise, parenting often can be limited when it is one-sided and focuses on all that is expressed in words alone. Spoken communication is necessary and sufficient in relaying information to children, but it fails to bring about an adequate behavioral change in them. This is where 'model parenting' is essential and becomes a core component in effectively building responsible and happy children.

Children learn largely through "Observational Learning'. In psychology, this represents the process of learning by observing others, retaining the information, and then later replicating the behaviours that were observed. A tremendous amount of learning happens in children through such a process. So a parent should be keen to cement their verbal communication with relative actions, which will help effectively build proper behaviour and response in a child. Model parenting thus facilitates a teaching process where parents become the model of observation for a child.

The biblical parable of the wise and foolish builders reminds us that a strong foundation is critical in determining the outcome of whether a house build will fall or stand. The passage in Matthew 7 introduces the foundation as the person who after listening, puts them into practice.

So preparing ourselves as the model for observation, here are three ways in which a parent can exercise Model and practical parenting at home.

1. Be there for them without being labelled 'busy'

A child's choice of whom to turn to as the first resort in a situation of their need or emergency should be a default one - The parent. Naturally, the emotional bond between a child and a parent is strong and allows a child to seek his parent first. But in a world of pressured corporate responsibilities and excessive social engagements, time is hard to find. Parents tend to prioritise their availability to other things. This is the tipping point of many erratic responses as a child matures.

When we as parents believe that we are the provider, protector, teacher and steward of the gift from above, we should model our actions to complete our belief. A child should be able to observe a parent's involvement in their time of need so they confide in that action and will not substitute it with a friend, a relative, a device, activity or rely on wrongful measures. No one can care more about their children than a parent, and children are always dependent and parents have the biblical mandate to be a steward of the generation. Being there for our children will make us, our children's superheroes.

Deuteronomy 11:19 highlights the active involvement of a parent at various times of the day. "You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."

2. Be the example you want to see

Yes, define rules, set the standards, discipline erratic behaviour as often as necessary and spare not the rod as Bible directs. But let parents not be found to be a hypocrite in not executing the home rules first. If we as parents do not worry about doing it ourselves, it is evident that we really do not believe in it at all, and we are just using our hierarchy and power of being a parent to impose it on our children. Over time this will fester into an incurable wound, and children will turn a deaf ear to what is being told, resulting in rebellious mindsets.

So be keen on even the simplest things and the bigger matters will run their course more seriously. If screen time is limited at home, don't use screens excessively as parents. If reverence during prayers is a norm at home, don't be found as a parent sitting casually at a church prayer meeting. When a child sees what their parents practice, they take it more earnestly, and it leads to a positive and proactive behavioural change.

Titus 2:6-7 Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity,

3. Be their first teacher and soul winner

If we as parents believe in Church and fellowship, let our home be the first Church for our children. If we hope in God as our father, let our Child learn it from us first. If our children ever question endurance and suffering, let them experience it in us first.

Sunday school teachers, the youth movement and pastors have their roles in building up the next generation, but all these sprouts out of model parenting at home. If our generation does not see a working gospel at home, no advice, powerful preachers, highly funded Church programs or counselling centres will save them. So, let model actions and encouragements of a parent be the guide that sets a Child to hear and believe what they obtained from their parent. Let the parent be the child's first soul winner.

It is interesting to note that in 1 Timothy 3, being able to manage the household well and having submissive children are set as the criteria for those who wish to take up an office or a noble task in the kingdom of God. So model parenting as representatives of Christ on earth is vital and something God takes with utmost importance.

While a parent enjoys their authority in bringing children in the way of the Lord, also be aware that there exists a higher authority in Jesus to answer to.

If Children are a gift from above, each parent is a steward to what they have received. So in the day when God demands of parents, may our hands be strong to give back to God a generation that was built on not just on words but on a foundation modelled by pure and true action. May we, parents on earth, be the model father image of God in heaven.